Why Being an International Student is Like a Sugar Rush

Artwork: Lysander Colindres

Moving to the United States is one of the biggest decisions I have ever made. In 2021, I packed my life into two suitcases and flew over the Atlantic alone to pursue my dreams. It sounds very cliché, I know. You can romanticize it as much as you want, but the honest truth is that being international is not always enjoyable. It's kind of like being on a sugar rush that always spirals. We have all had sugar rushes. It's amazing. We feel the energy and the positivity. But a sugar rush always ends if we don't keep adding tons of sugar. And I'm not sure I want to continue adding sugar all the time. More on that later.

The Peak of the Sugar Rush

The first couple of weeks in the US was like a honeymoon. Everyone was so lovely, and everything felt so unreal, like I was in a movie. The perception of the US I had (thanks to American TV shows) was true. Everything was bigger. The trees were bigger. The roads were bigger. The cars were bigger. The dreams were bigger. You get it. I felt like I was melting. I had opportunities of a lifetime, but I still couldn't find my place. I kept adding sugar to my sugar rush, and I stayed on the peak. I kept smiling, and I woke up every day with the mindset that I would start to feel more normal.

 The Sugar Starts to Lose its Power

A month and a half into the semester, I started to feel unhappy, alone. It was scary. I kept the sugar rush, though. I was not going to allow anyone to see me spiral. I remember people asking me if I could ever be sad or negative. They felt like I was one of those people who were always happy. That sounded so nice, but it was not true. I was very unhappy. My biggest fear was to fall down from the sugar rush and not come up again. I wanted to make sure everyone would know how much I appreciated being here and how grateful I was. But it was so hard to keep smiling. I don't think people understand how hard it is to transfer to an entirely new country when everything you love and feel comfortable with is thousands of miles away.

Sugar Spiral

The sugar rush took a drastic turn, and I was not eating cotton candy anymore. It's been two years since the sugar rush truly spiraled, and I can talk about it now. Then, it was tough to admit that I was struggling, but I can now definitively say that I was depressed — very depressed. But I can also say that the US was not the problem. All the feelings I had were valid, and most international students go through this transition. It is very common to feel alone and misplaced. I would say that it is common among all college students, but being international is definitely not helping. What helped me was, to be honest, was a combination of therapy and the willingness to not give up on what I love. It took me a long time to realize that I don't need to be on a sugar rush all the time to be the best version of myself.

Don’t Add Sugar if You Don't Want It 

I want to end this blog post with what I talked about in the beginning. I have decided that I don't want to continue adding sugar to my sugar rush when I don't want it. Forcing yourself to always stay on a high is not normal, and it doesn't make you a better person. I want to say that I am a much better version of myself now after I realized that life is so much more than just happiness, and that it is okay to feel all feelings. Sometimes I am sad, and that is okay. Some days, I love everything in my life, and that is amazing. But I am not scared anymore of falling down from the sugar rush because I know that I have the strength to catch myself.