How Quarantine Saved My Life
I was counting down the days before spring break my freshman year. I felt very burnt out from my responsibilities, classes, and life, and I knew I needed a mental break. One of my friends told me she had heard that professors were getting ready to teach courses online for the rest of the year during my last class. I chose not to believe her because this thought seemed outrageous to me. Little did I know that getting sent home from my first-year residence hall in March of 2020, that life as I knew it was never going to be the same.
Am I disappointed that I missed out on one and a half “normal” years of college? Absolutely.
Am I incredibly grateful for the lessons and things I learned about myself during this time? Absolutely.
Before the pandemic hit in the United States, I was involved in many activities on campus. I had two student jobs, was enrolled in 19 academic credits, and was part of various student groups. I was seriously burnt out. The Covid-19 pandemic forced me to take a break from my busy life and reflect. I felt very uncomfortable at first having so much free time in my day because, on campus, I overworked myself. I was committed to everything and everyone else but myself.
I quickly learned I need time to recharge throughout my day to avoid becoming so bogged down by life. I thrive when I prioritize my time on things I genuinely enjoy rather than forcing myself to enjoy.
I learned I need flexibility in my schedule. Before the pandemic began, so much of my life was scheduled down to the minute. I lived by checking the boxes off of my daily to-do list. I now enjoy spontaneous adventures with my friends and family and trying new experiences I have never done before. Previously, I thought I was going myself a favor by having a rigid schedule so I wouldn’t become bored, but really, I was losing a part of myself I love by doing so.
The last big thing I learned was to prioritize my mental health. Now that I finally had time to sit back and take a break during quarantine, I realized I was struggling mentally so much more than I imagined. My eating disorder was dictating everything I did, which was hard to deal with. I had to be honest with myself about just how much I was struggling. There are so many uncontrollable things in college, so I held on to the one thing I could: my body. My body & my brain were constantly running on empty, thinking about calories and the scale. I became obsessed with the control, yet I was never satisfied. When I had to return home and live with my family, it was hard to hide my habits. I had gotten used to having no one ask if I had eaten breakfast or lunch yet every day at college. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore.
I came to terms with it being okay to reach out to others for help and that it shouldn’t feel embarrassing to do so. I spent summer 2020 relearning to eat and nourish myself, and it was tough to do that. I had to work to regain my hunger cues, something I hadn’t felt naturally in so long. I felt so guilty about the food I was consuming. But with every challenging experience, I began to heal little by little. Therapy became more empowering than scary. I could start celebrating my small wins and be patient with my struggles. I learned that I must take moments every day to check in with my inner-self and see how I’m doing. I learned to be responsible for my own needs and health. If not for the Covid-19 quarantine, I don’t know how long it would have taken me to get the help I needed.
As our school campus has become alive with students walking to classes and living life as part of a “new normal,” I am so grateful I could discover what I want my new normal to be. I now live my life with more flexibility, spontaneity, and compassion for myself and others. I am committed to living my life to the fullest in a healthy and fun way because life is too short to be lived any other way.